Monday, April 5, 2010
Revise mode
Ok... I know I've said this before that I'm done with Mr. Yeah and I'm not going back, and other times I have not kept to my word, but this time I'm truly done. I've hit rock bottom in my book, letting dudes run my life and control my emotions. That's just not me. Imma give you guys a little bit of an update, Mr. Yeah and me like to play these stupid power trip games to see who is willing to do what for who... it's always fun when I'm winning but sucks when I'm loosing. Mr. Yeah isn't the only dude stressin' my brain, its a lot of dudes who seem to be sweet but then turn out to be vagina hunting whores lmao. I'm tired of attracting dudes who just want to get it in and that's it. I want something more meaningful, not a relationship per say but an agreement that he wants to get to know me for me and I want to get to know him for him. Be together without the stresses of a title you know? But I'm on a revise type stage with myself. I'm not feeling like the old me and thinking that this is contributing to the slut attraction problem (lol). I need to go on Miss Solo Dolo time and focus on the people who are here for me not my punani. Stop the drugs and the alcohol and focus on my health and my attitude, be more social and more open to those who are trying to get to know me. I'm on revise mode...
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I really hope that this actually works out. Like I really do...but I've heard you say this a lot. You really do need to focus on YOU and your friends, but as we've discussed before...you have issues being alone. I feel that you don't know how to be on your own and be happy about it. It seems as if you use attention you get from people and sex as a means of validating yourself. And what you really need to do is to learn to validate yourself. You have to come to the conclusion that you are enough, and that you are good enough on your own. You say that you know this and you say you're happy on your own, but to be honest, if that was really the truth, you wouldn't feel such an intense need to always have someone there showing you attention. Yes, it's natural to want these things, but you seem to need it. I love you, and you are an awesome person...but now it's time for you to realize and believe it on your own...
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