The Key

Hello world, So I've taken noticed to something in my relationship patterns. If I really like a dude, I have this bad tendancy of giving my all, all at once and then backing away on the inside because I know that I do not really trust that individual with my heart. I also do this wierd thing where I will act one way, as if everything is ok and nothing is bothering me but on the inside I'm having all types of crazy thoughts, like who is he talking too? Am I enough for him? Does he really like me as much as he says he does? I mean I know most females prolly have the same thoughts that be going on in their head, but my shit really bothers me. It bothers me so much to the point that I just loose faith in the relationship and go out and start doing my own thing just to avoid getting hurt. I really want to stop doing this and actually be able to give my full all to a dude, to really be like I trust you with my heart...here have it to hold and keep safe. But I'm scared.... I don't like the feeling of uncertainty, and I want to tell him but I feel as I'm imposing something that he possibly could not even want right now and just fuck everything up from get without really meaning too. I have some serious trust issues that I need someone who is going to be patient with me in the relationship and really want to get to kno how I'm feeling and as to why I'm feeling that way.
This kind of also ties into the feeling I have with not being heard. Though I know that I am a strong individual and have strong opinions. I don't always feel like I'm being heard, or that people don't really give a shit to what I have to say. I need a nigga who willingly wants to take his time with me to listen to what I have to say whether it just be in conversation or whether it be about my feelings or past memories. I want someone who is willing to take the time to understand the individual I have become and the individual I once was...One day I wanna b able to give away the key...